12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
