First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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