Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
