youre lurking in front of me
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
