dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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