home. puking in laundry basket.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
FUCK WHALES
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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