he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
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