ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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