i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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