I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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