I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
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Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
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This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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