i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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