distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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