i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
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