just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
