fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
