God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
