It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
not ubering you a puppy
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
