good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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