I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
