Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
