Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
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yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
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you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
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