Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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