She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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