I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
