dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
