The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
