Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Your cock deserves a montage
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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