i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
