Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
whose ass print is on the piano?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
