I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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