he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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