What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
