well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
