96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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