I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
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