eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
