sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
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I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
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the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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