I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
birth control should be required to get into college
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
