How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
