Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
