hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
