we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
