I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
