I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
