I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
