If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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