There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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