Define "chronic" masturbator.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
