On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
