we're blogging at a bar
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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