So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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