I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
