I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
im six kinds of drunk right now
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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