your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
