I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
