well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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