I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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