I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
