i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
