have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
